i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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