Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
