i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
