I think my fart just growled at me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
