I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
