Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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