I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
