i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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