i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
