Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Shame - the story of my life.
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