Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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