3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
