Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
