i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
