I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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