We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
