evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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