Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
