I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
