And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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