Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
