I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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