WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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