Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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