I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
