Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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