So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
