I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
