my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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