Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
