Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
