Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
