now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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