Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
