We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
