Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my shit smells like andre
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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