i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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