Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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