I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
