I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
