I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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