This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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