don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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