dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I only lived at night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
