they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
