Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
