im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
