Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
