Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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