Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
