i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
